Transforming Your Relationship 'Dealbreakers'

How to Instantly Increase the Love in Your Life

Have you ever heard of the term "dealbreaker" when used in relationships? Have you ever read an online personal ad where the person makes a list of things they don't want in a relationship? Has someone you love ever done something or said something that you really didn't like and you thought about leaving the relationship because of that one thing?

Have you ever heard of women who stay in an abusive relationship? What about a man who keeps on going out with the same type of woman who always ends up rejecting him?

Has anyone ever done or said something to you and that is the reason that you broke up or otherwise ended your relationship?

While there are many good reasons to end a relationship and lots of people who do not belong together this article is about something alarming that I have discovered is becoming more and more prevalent in people regarding relationships.

People are putting an intense emphasis on identifying certain qualities of another person which are the criteria for rejecting that relationship. A broad example is the number of people that you are friendly to or smile at each day. There are many you choose to avoid right? Because of certain criteria.

People are looking for reasons not to open up and not to be friendly and especially not to be in love. There is a force in the world that is fear based that is encouraging everyone subliminally to live in fear of each other. This is being accomplished through television and the news and through schools and many other avenues to stop the force of love in the world.

When you find yourself making a list of things you do not want in a relationship or a list of things you do not like with someone you know and thinking about ending it stop and make another list of all the things that you love about them and all the good times you have shared.

When you look at the "bad" list see if you can feel the intense energy that pushes you. When you read the "good" list can you feel there is a different force that feels warm and open and loving?

You can make miracles happen in your own life by separating these two forces and diminishing the bad while intensifying the good to an intensely passionate level of pleasure and happiness.

I hope this article helps you to become aware of the forces pushing you to focus on bad and good in others. There is no good reason why you should break up with someone with whom you have many good things or why you should not be friends or lovers with someone who is imperfect. We all are.

Is it worth losing all the good things you have with someone just because of one little thing?

I would like to help you to make all the bad things small and unimportant in your love life and make the love big and powerful. Love is a better path than fear. Even when you need to end a relationship love will always find a way that is better.

P.S. Love is the greatest force for good in the universe in my opinion. Love can do no wrong. What's wrong with love is nothing at all. My mission is to help lovers enjoy more of the blissful moments they love so much and for people to enjoy more love in all their relationships everyday.

The Key to Lasting Love

By Karen Sahlmanson

Want to know what causes the dissolution of far too many relationships in this world?

As a best-selling author and motivational coach, I can tell you how it goes in three acts:

Act I: You hurt me.

Act II: Because you hurt me, I hurt you.

Act III: You hurt me even more because I just hurt you, so I hurt you even more. Then you hurt me; then I hurt you; then you hurt me because I just hurt you, so I hurt you more, etc. …

The point: It's easy to act cold/hurtful/stonewalling to someone who you feel has said or done something you perceive as cold/hurtful/stonewalling to you.

But that's the point. That's the easy thing to do.

Basically, most of us people as a species aren't mean. We are weak.

It takes effort to consciously, openly, bravely, warmly speak up about the hurt you feel before things spiral negatively downward.

Yes, it takes effort to take the high road and to express your vulnerabilities and concerns with warmth and candor. But this effort is worth it ... because love and connection are your true sources for happiness—not money, not shoes, not sports cars ... and definitely not the satisfaction of being right about someone or something. (Yes, I know that last one really sometimes does feel as if it will bring us happiness ... but in the end it brings us more misery than glory.)

So next time someone you care about does something that you feel isn't very caring at all—put in the brave effort and kill that relationship monster while it's still small.

With this in mind, here are some helpful communication tips to keep in mind:

1. Pick the right time, the right place. Do you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time ahead? Are you in a place where your partner feels like he or she can talk openly and not self-consciously? Are you in a loud restaurant where it's hard to hear and so you must shout—even before your partner makes you want to shout? In general, the best place to talk is at home alone, where you can sit facing each other, with good strong eye contact. Many psychologists even suggest holding hands as you talk—to keep a warm connection ongoing through all the bumps in the conversation.

2. Before you begin a difficult conversation, make it very clear to your partner that your goal is to create the best relationship possible. Admit you recognize talking about difficult subjects can be uncomfortable, but you'd rather have a difficult conversation now, than a decaying, untruthful, less intimate relationship later. Remind your partner how much you value him or her. Compliment your sweetie on a few qualities you appreciate. In general, be 100 percent certain your partner completely understands and believes your goal in talking is to increase the love, not wound to the quick, before you begin any difficult discussion.

3. If you are upset at your partner for something specific, try not to generalize by saying "You always do this. You always say that." Generalizations will only escalate your partner's emotional state because they're vaguer and less believable. Come on. Be honest with yourself. An "always" action is in reality a very rare thing. And psychologists all agree it's best to limit your talk to the one specific recent event that is bugging you and make past offenses not admissible evidence.

4. Be conscious of trying to begin as many of your sentences with "I" as you can. Likewise, try not to begin your sentences with "You." The goal: Own your feelings. Don't slander your partner. For example, try to say something like: "I feel like you were ignoring me yesterday—and I was hurt because I needed your warmth after my proposal was rejected at the office," instead of "You are cold, heartless, and don't offer me an ounce of support."

5. Create an obvious upside to talking, so you and your partner will want to talk again. In other words, be sure to close the conversation by consciously listing all the positive things you learned thanks to talking. Make a specific list of all the new actions you both will try to do to keep your relationship as strong and loving as possible. Oh ... and this is where that good, old-fashioned reward of "makeup sex" comes in! By ending on an upbeat "rewarding note," next time a difficult conversation comes up, you'll associate positives with talking, like: "Make love, not war!"

Love and Sex and Switchwords

A young man recently asked me if I could recommend any good switchwords for “attracting wonderful women!” and also for high-quality lovemaking. Well, I have certainly used switchwords beneficially on many occasions in this area of my life since first learning the switchwords in 1975, when I was 23. And I can give several suggestions, which of course can be used by either men or women.

Most people seem to assume they cannot just instantly generate love, it has to happen by itself somehow. But though the happen-by-itself emotional kind is very sweet, my experience has been that anyone can generate love at any time in any situation just by intending it so. Using switchwords gives easy access to that.

Generally, of course, I recommend simply silently chanting occasionally the master switchword “TOGETHER“. That’s so profoundly appropriate with a love partner, in all ways. I enthusiastically recommend experimenting with it while doing anything with your lover, including making love. Nothing more is required, basically, in my experience, and it’s so easy, simple, and beneficial. Your mind is probably going to think of something anyway, so you might as well give it something very beneficial and easy to think!

However, if you specifically would like to create an aura and vibration and experience of love with a love partner — or for that matter, with anyone in any situation, not only with a lover — then I suggest silently chanting or occasionally declaring TOGETHER-LOVE or TOGETHER-DIVINE-LOVE.

I have many times in my life used an affirmation I learned from Dr. Catherine Ponder, “I AM A RADIANT CENTER OF DIVINE LOVE” with excellent and reliable results. She recommends that whenever you want to make friends with someone, just silently chant “I AM A RADIANT CENTER OF DIVINE LOVE,” and watch what happens! I’ve many times experienced that that works very well indeed!
Or, that particular affirmation is also excellent for melting anyone who is being hostile or nasty towards you. Dr. Ponder also recommends another more specific powerful and effective affirmation for this type of situation: “LET DIVINE LOVE BE MADE ALIVE IN THEE.” She calls it “shooting them in the back with love!”

By the way, I’ve made it a little practice of mine to occasionally mentally direct that (”LET DIVINE LOVE BE MADE ALIVE IN THEE”) to every “terrorist” on the planet, and I invite anyone else to join me in doing that. In my humble opinion, love is the only real and sustainable solution to terrorism. “War against terrorism,” which is to say “war against war,” occurs to me as a seemingly noble idea which is actually inherently stupid and counterproductive. Gautama Buddha says it best: “Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.”

But back to romantic-sexual love: HOLE is the specific switchword for attractiveness.

Certain long combinations of switchwords can also be very useful and enjoyable. However, I think for most people, silently chanting a long switchwords mantra while making love would seem difficult, distracting, and absurd. If you can do it, though, I can promise that your lover will be highly pleased and so will you!

Another similar shorter switchword combination I recommend which is easier to remember and silently chant, is: TOGETHER-DIVINE-LOVE-HOLE-BLISS.

This is a wonderful mantra to use with a love partner you’re already with. However, if you’re wanting to attract a lover, and you sense that this kind of energy may be appropriate with someone you’ve met, you can try mentally chanting this and see what happens. Of course if you haven’t yet met anyone to try it with, you can always use the switchword REACH (to solve a problem) or even CIRCULATE (to eliminate loneliness)!

By the way, in my experience, using switchwords is never a matter of dominating someone else or attempting to “control” them; you’re just broadcasting a thought vibration and creating a possibility, and anyone else is free to join you in it or not.

You can of course customize and edit these switchwords combinations as you wish; there are over 100 known switchwords to choose from for generating various results and experiences. However, as always, I experience that using just a single word as a creative affirmation, declaration, or mantra is easiest and best. So I again most highly recommend the elegantly simple, all-inclusive, and effective TOGETHER for attracting and being with a lover, as well as for sharing the most optimum life together.

Enjoy!

Thanks & Peace & Love,
Shunyam Nirav,
Masterworks Unlimited, Inc.